An Existential Crisis

Can’t stop saying yes to cool ideas? Same! I’m having a continuing conversation with myself about wtf I’m doing with my life, how bout you?

Hello Gorgeous Readers,

First up let me apologise for you receiving last week’s email sharing the latest podcast episode of Exploring Creativity, Threads & Bones. It inadvertently got sent out to my whole list instead of only those that signed up for the pleasure because I hadn’t ticked a particular box.

All I can say is that when you’re trying to punch something out over a stupid-ass-self-imposed deadline - it’s always worth it to do one… last… check.

If you’re reading this anytime over the glorious long Easter weekend then I’m doing some things that bring me JOY and up my VIBE! (one of the beautiful things Aussies do is have Good Friday AND Easter Monday as offical holidays)

I’m at the Byron Bay Blues Fest so I am:

• Listening to Music (seriously some of my all time favourite artists are playing - squee!!)

• Hanging out with the hubby (we still like going to concerts together even after 43 years!)

• Camping (we’re a bit bougie - we rented a pre-set up tent with beds)

• Spending time in community with thousands of other people (with said bougie tent to escape to when a time-out is needed)

• Eating Chocolate for Easter (very expensive chocolate I might add - jeez the prices of things these days!)

So what news do I have for you today??

My (latest) Existential Crisis or,

WTF am I doing with my life?

What have I done?

I’m overwhelmed!

For a woman that purports to guide folks to find balance in their lives, right now I am doing a shit job. It sucks that I’m sucking at it so badly. So join me in the first salvo of reorganising my life (welcome to my therapy session)…

Picture if you will my usual MO:

Get some crazy idea and convince my hubby that it won’t impact our lives much if at all. Here’s me: “you’ll see, it’ll be fine”.

Ignore his hesitation and run head long into it learning 90% of what I need to know.

Skip the last 10% which is probably about how hard it’s going to be and how much time it will actually take.

Head down, bum up, push through, launch the thing, and carry on.

Spin fifty bazillion plates in the air via excitement, adrenaline, and sheer bloody mindedness while tap dancing madly underneath.

Have a measure of success.

Somewhere down the track (each project has its own unique timeline), realise that I should’ve absorbed that last 10% and begin to watch those plates crash down.

Drastically increase tempo of tap dance whilst absorbing dismay on husband’s face.

Finally drop into a heap, effing exhausted and cease doing the latest shiny, fancy, thing that I was sure would be IT or…

Continue with the shiny thing so half heartedly & crap-ily it devolves into something worthless and *gasp* unpleasurable!

Not a very Vibrant Operating System, right?

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

What Specifically Am I Talking About and Why Am I Telling You This?

Here‘s the deal, yes you got the podcast episode last week because that’s where half of my creative energy’s been since the end of January - I’ve been excitedly publishing an episode every week. And that 10% of putting out a podcast that I glossed over? Until you have (some) systems in place and you know what the hell you’re actually doing, it takes heaps of time.

So. Much. Time.

What I didn’t pull back on was:

• Sending out a weekly blurb to you all (so I basically doubled my output).

And I added:

• Signing up to be a mover in a site specific performance piece of 100 people. It’s going to be so much fun and is scratching my ex-dancer brain and body in the best possible way, but the three hour rehearsals are an hour away so one day of my weekend has essentially disappeared.

• Saying yes to a bunch of wonderful opportunities to teach more Pilates that the universe suddenly dropped into my lap.

On top of:

• The podcast

• The rest of my life…

Hello tap dancing at lightening speed!!

Because I have seem to have a problem with maths - too much addition and no subtraction - all of these things conspired to make me a very, very, busy little bunny, hence my unbalanced life.

And my Existential Crisis? Or Crises?

• Should I pull back on some of the things I’m doing?

• Is what I’m doing worthwhile? And if it is, to whom? Me? You?

• Should I stop saying yes to more teaching? (for people pleasing me, after I’ve said yes it becomes much harder to amend or say no)

• Should I start a paid subscription here on Substack? (ooh that means I need to organise my archive and make some decisions on what to keep free and what to put behind a paywall - will you good folk leave in droves?)

• And, here’s a fun one: Should I just quit all the things and retire?? (this quandary is coming from a space that I realise not everyone occupies. I’ll be 62 in June and I could conceivably afford to retire to spend more time with that hubby of mine and try to tame the acreage we live on)

Argggh!

My brain is hosting an Olympic level ping pong tournament on the daily (with no winner in sight) and my tap dancing legs are getting tired.

So, so, tired.

I tell myself this craziness is just temporary, and that once the performance is done (May), my teaching settles down (hasn’t happened yet), and I get ahead on the podcast episodes (stay tuned), I’ll have some breathing space to sort things out.

But If I’m really honest with myself, even if/when those things occur, I don’t think the sorting out will happen?

I don’t think I’m ready to retire.

I‘m not ready to give anything up just yet…

The Plan

It’s really quite simple (and I apologise for taking this long to get to the point but I did warn you that it would be a therapy session…)

Each week I’ll EITHER send my whole list an email OR I’ll publish a podcast episode.

Hmmm, is that subtracting just a little, dividing by two or multiplying by 1/2?? (any math nerds in the house?)

Yes, that’s the big news…

The moment I decided to tell myself the world would not end if this was my new plan going forward I felt as if a huge load had been sucked up off my shoulders and my nervous system let out a big ole sigh.

It was weird how hard it was to give myself permission to make a decision that I knew would be good for me.

Your Turn

My question for you:

Are there areas in your life where you could make an adjustment and give yourself permission to subtract?

What would that look like?

How would that feel?

What’s your answer? I’m here for it so, go ahead👇

Ahem, You Can Still Hear From Me Every Week (if you choose)

Some of you already are subscribed to the section that houses the Threads & Bones podcast but most of you are not.

If you do want to be on the list you need to add it as a section from your Substack account settings.

Here’s the link to do that: https://www.thevibrancysociety.com/action/disable_email?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

Thanks for enduring my diatribe and if I haven’t mentioned it, thank you very much for being here.

xBec

P.S. How are you going with April’s Vibrancy Boosters?

And finally

Two Announcements:

First up if you’re in the Gympie region, my beautiful friend Nat and I are offering our first MOVE & RESONATE of 2025 next month.

MOVE & RESONATE is a half day mini retreat that I host at my wonderful and peaceful Pilates & Movement Schtudio.

Earlybird Savings are good through Easter Monday, the 21st. Use code SOUND for a 10% discount.

And, my lovely and talented friend, Sandi Lear, is off to Italy as one of 15 watercolour artists selected to represent Australia at FABRIANO in ACQUARELLO which is the Watercolour International Conference Meeting. Fabriano is the Italian city that is the birthplace of paper in Europe.

I was lucky enough to interview Sandi for the podcast. She came to painting and her “Big C” creative life well into adulthood but her life before that was far from dull! Listen here:

S1 E8: The Art of Reinvention with Artist Sandi Lear

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